You appreciate in others what you feel you deserve in yourself

People who don’t have money often don’t trust those who do. The poor, to put it bluntly, often think that the rich must have done something crooked to get their money – and that they’re up to something right now, so the poor person is suspicious of the rich person’s motive, even when the rich person tries to help. On a global scale, this phenomenon shows up as conspiracy theories. The fact is that the poor person doesn’t believe, at a subconscious level, that they deserve the wealth that the rich person has. If they did, they would have it, and keep it. End of story.

Let’s say their deserving level is at 40 out of 100, so they have 40% of the wealth that they are capable of. Anyone above that, they’re either jealous or suspicious of.

Those who are high in deserving are neither
jealous nor suspicious, but appreciative

Now let’s look at love. When you believe you deserve love at level 40 out of 100, and you experience someone expressing love towards you at a much higher level, you don’t trust them, do you? You think they’re false, that they don’t mean what they say (‘How could they possibly?’) or that they want something. Those who are rich, who are high in deserving, don’t feel that way. They are neither jealous nor suspicious; they feel comfortable with the other person’s wealth, with the other person’s loving.

How much do you believe – at a subconscious, feeling level – that you deserve? The higher your deserving levels are, the less suspicious or resentful you are, and the more you can let in – the more friendship, love, money, support, contacts. To achieve this, you have to lower your defences, open up, allow yourself to deserve. This process of allowing is foreign to men, because we’re all about ‘doing’, but you can’t ‘do’ allowing, you have to relax, drop resistance, open up. It’s the opposite of doing. You have to ‘undo’. Can you do it? Go on, you deserve it!

Do what you want others to do

There’s a story about Mahatma Ghandi, that he was approached by a woman who asked him to treat her sick child; he recognised that the child had diabetes and that it should stop eating sugar, but instead of telling her there and then, he sent her away and told her to return in two weeks. During that time he stopped eating sugar himself, and when the woman and child returned, he told the child to stop eating sugar.

Do it yourself first, and you’ll be amazed
at how quickly others get the message

There’s that hoary old saying, ‘Do as I say, not as I do,’ that people use when they want their children, partners, colleagues, or staff to conform to their wishes, and they do not live up to the requirement themselves. Well, if you’re using that, or applying it, you should not wonder if people don’t comply with your requests. Ghandi was all, ‘Do as I do,’ and he took this pretty seriously, as you can see. Now if power is proportional to how many people you’re able to influence, Ghandi was one of the most powerful people in history – certainly the most powerful who did not use a government or military force to achieve his influence. Perhaps we should take him seriously.

So the next time you want someone to change a behaviour, you’ll find it somewhere in your own life, you can be sure. Do it yourself first and you’ll be amazed at how quickly the others get the message. Plus you’ll know in yourself what it takes, and will be able to guide the other person to achieve it.

Liberate yourself by saying a simple, clear no

When somebody makes a request or a suggestion and your answer is ‘no’, do you, like most people, beat about the bush and try to let them down gently? Like saying, ‘Maybe, we’ll look at it,’ and hoping it goes away. Some feel they have to explain themselves for hours and some, amazingly, find themselves caving in and saying, ‘Yes!’

If you can’t say no, here are some questions to challenge you: 1. Who are you to think that you’re so great that your ‘no’ would destroy another person’s life, or quell their ambition? As if they could never pick themselves up from your ‘no’! 2. Would you be doing someone a favour by letting them have what they want so easily, even before they deserve it, before they’ve earned it? No, you’d only delay their inevitable fall and waste their time. Things worth having are hard-earned.

If you don’t value your ‘no’,
then why would anybody else?

3. If you talk yourself out of saying ‘no’ every time, what’s the message you’re putting out? That you don’t value what you want. Well, guess what? If you don’t, then life, in the form of other people, won’t either. So what will life, in the form of those people, deliver to your doorstep? More of what you don’t want. More things to say no to, that you won’t say no to, and so you’ll spiral downwards.

In order to say a clear ‘no’ you have to know what you want and be willing to get it – and you have to give up trying to be Mr Nice Guy. And by the way, there’s no need to explain yourself. ‘No’ is a simple word and everyone understands it.

Create harmony by wanting what you want

It’s natural that you won’t always GET what you want. But it’s a sad day when you stop wanting it. That’s the day that you resign from life; you become grumpy and miserable, and you blame the world for your problems. Most of us, for the sake of our parents’ and teachers’ sanity, or reputation, were taught to stop wanting, or to stop wanting so much. A simple no allows a child to go on wanting; instead, most of us were told – and tell our kids – not to want so much.

After a while, it seems normal to just do what you’re told, to do what’s expected of you, to serve society’s norms, and your partner’s wants. When someone comes along who wants what they want, and acts to get it, they appear eccentric, and everybody looks on in horror.

When you get in tune with your wants,
your life begins to flow

In the depths of quantum physicists is something called string theory. This says that the most basic unit of energy are ‘strings’, and each string has its unique harmonic, its unique vibration, or tone, just as each violin or piano – or golf club – has its own unique sound to the trained ear. Similarly, more complex organs – people included – have their own harmonic. That harmonic is expressed through our unique wants.

When you get in tune with your wants, you get in tune with your purpose, and life begins to flow; you experience joy. This appears selfish to those who don’t allow themselves to want what they want. To get from wanting what everyone else wants, to wanting what you want, and then acting to get it, can be a challenging journey. Whether you take that journey depends on your level of desire.

The question is, now you’re an adult, who would have to give you permission to want what you want?

Save time and money by doing things with your full attention

A bucket only needs a tiny hole for all the water to run out. And carrying water in a sieve requires many more trips – and much more hurrying – than carrying it in a watertight container. This same principle applies to thought, activity, and concentration. When you read, for example, with your mind only half engaged, you end up having to read the same piece again and again to absorb all the content. This takes longer, and is often the consequence of being in a hurry.

Being in a hurry, and doing something in a way that takes longer must be the height of foolishness. Rather complete the thought that’s distracting you – follow it all the way to the end, or make a decision to think about it later – and then concentrate on the reading.

If your mind is only half on holiday, you’ll return exhausted

The same principle applies when you’re relaxing, or on holiday. If your mind is only half on holiday, you’ll not relax properly and then you’ll be exhausted, irritated and frustrated when you return. You’ll have wasted money on the holiday too. So it is for all activities, do them with your complete attention. If something’s distracting you, deal with it first, or decide to deal with it later. Do this properly, and you’ll only need one meeting to conclude a matter, one conversation to clear up an argument, one short holiday – or even just a catnap – to relax properly.