Hero’s Journey

When you arrive at yourself, your purpose, you’ll see that it’s been there all the time, you’ve known it, but been too ashamed to admit it, or could never have believed it was possible. The amount of time and energy we waste not doing something that we’d love to do, because deep down we don’t believe we deserve it, or that it could be possible – it’s insane.

The more I see of life and people, the more I’m convinced that every person has one thing, one single message that they’d like to give to the world. It may be big, it may be small; it may be a service, or an invention, anything, it doesn’t matter. Most of our efforts are spent avoiding giving that gift to the world. It’s for this reason that so many people feel unfulfilled and rushed off their feet.

When you’re doing what you’re meant to be doing, when you’re answering your calling, a vast universe of time opens up. You realise that you have a whole lifetime to do just this one thing, so what’s the panic all about, what’s the rush? You begin to feel its inevitability, that there’s a certain future pulling you towards it, and you sink further into being able to be in the now, with no worries.

If you want to feel less stressed about time, and less like you’re on a treadmill, give up doing all the things you’re not supposed to be doing, and start doing that one thing, living that passion, that dream…

The first 20 years of life are spent building a strong ego, and rightfully so. In the first 20 years of adulthood this ego brings in all the silverware – the degrees, war medals, sports trophies, gold disc records, creative awards, sales team trophies, tiaras (for women), and so on. Newton had published his most famous work by the age of 27.

But by 40, in most instances, those talents are well spent. Sportsmen retire, musicians leave the band and move on to more individualistic styles (think Sting, Peter Gabriel, John Lennon), even the most enduring supermodels and beauty queens have retired by then.

If we assume that life is rational, that there’s a reason why it happens the way it does, then what could that be? Why would the talent and beauty of youth fade? Well, we do observe the effect: that as the physical fades, the person turns to deeper, more meaningful pursuits. We could say that their soul starts to shine through.

If you resist this process, if you try to hold onto those glory days, or repeat the life you had while those talents were available in abundance, you’re destined for a life of misery and never being fulfilled. Becoming comfortable in your skin means not trying to live the life you think you missed, but embracing the one you have right in front of you to the full.

Things happen exactly as they’re supposed to happen – in every instance. Let’s say you have a great idea; as you explore it, you find that there are ways that it can work and ways that it can’t work. No amount of positive thinking will allow otherwise. The apple tree seed doesn’t suddenly produce an orange tree as well, just because you want it to.

Water flows downhill, so unless you want to expend huge energy, you build your canals to use this principle. Why then do we try to live in ways that defy natural laws, building businesses – and whole lives – that exhaust our energy at every turn? ‘Follow your bliss,’ said Joseph Campbell, ‘and the universe will open doors for you where there were only walls.’ Be like the river that flows downhill and finds its way effortlessly to the sea.

A successful life is about aligning yourself with the way things are supposed to happen. What is the apple seed you’re holding that you’re hoping will produce oranges, just because you think oranges will sell, or impress the world? Where would following your bliss take you? What’s stopping you right now?

If you want to really live then you have to take the great opportunity that life offers you in midlife. I turned 42 this month and I can really attest that life begins at 40, that 40 is the new 20. We have all the knowledge and facilities to build healthy bodies and healthy minds.

Having used these opportunities, I find myself in the most clear, most powerful space I’ve ever been in. I’ve cleared the mountain of ‘stuff’ that held me back in the past, that kept me isolated and chasing butterflies and trying to solve the world’s great problems on my own, so that I could take the credit for some great idea, and finally feel good about myself. I know that this ‘stuff’ – I’ll spare you the details – has cleared not just intellectually, but emotionally, energetically, and the nett effect, I feel, is that I have arrived at myself. I can say that I know myself; I feel seated inside myself, and I know my way forward.

Obviously there’s still growth to come, but it will be from that foundation, and from now on my life will be a list of contributions made and achievements gained as I step out on the path to wanting what I want, to expressing myself with my heart wide open, with full connectedness to life and all its wonders and opportunities.

The second phase of life requires some serious relearning. I have so much new information I feel like a kid all over again – like an invalid learning to walk. I find myself heading off in a direction, making decisions, then realise that I’ve dropped a ball I picked up a few weeks ago – I had to, in order to catch the new one coming in!

Then I want to unmake that decision to include the dropped ball plus the new information. Problem is, I’ve already made commitments, and I have bills to pay. The challenge is to swallow each new ball fast enough so that you can make each next decision with all the new information you have at hand.

How do you do this? By making room – by clearing out all the clutter in your head: every incomplete task, unfulfilled promise, unforgiven issue, unresolved argument, unmade decision. These are just a few categories, and should keep you busy for a while. When you get on top of this wave, you become the sharpest knife in the box.

The successes of youth come about through chaos. Young people travel overseas without a definite plan, they enter a career to have fun and they seize every opportunity unquestioningly with both hands. This inevitably leads to success.

As we become older we settle into habits, preferred ways of doing things. Too much order closes out the opportunities that chaos brings. You need chaos to move forward. When you walk, for example, you’re about to fall over with every step you take; just then, the next foot lands. Having structure and order is good, like knowing how to walk. To actually walk is to expose yourself to chaos – to the risk of falling – with each step; you do it because you trust your walking - you trust the order of your system.

The more you know what you want, the more you can decide and speak or act on it in the moment, the more you can open yourself up to chaos, and to the infinite opportunities it brings.

Life is a river. It stands still for no-one. So if you feel like you’re drowning, perhaps you need to respect the river over yourself.

It may not be deliberate, and it’s often not. If it’s a repeated lesson – money, love, health – chances are you’re simply not respecting and valuing that area of your life. You may be working hard for it, demanding and expecting it, but do you really value it – as in love it? Would you be willing to give up everything for the money, the love, the health? If not, it will continue to tumble you over those waterfalls until you are and until you show yourself to be.

For me it was money. I worked hard for money, but did not value it enough to give up ‘meaning’ or ‘purpose’ in order to gain it. Money didn’t demand that I have to do that all the way; it just wanted to know that I’m willing to. Like Abraham being willing to sacrifice his son Isaac. Or love, or health. Be willing, genuinely willing, deep down in your heart, to work only for that thing, for its own sake, and the river will flow in that area for you.

How do you know when your constant spinning is worthwhile, whether it’s leading somewhere, whether life itself is worth living? Consider the impact on yourself of having booked and paid for a holiday: You feel lighter, ever less troubled by the daily grind as the time approaches, until, the night before, you hardly need any sleep! On the last day of the holiday, however, you’re starting to feel a little tired at the prospect of going back to work.

The experience of life you have today, therefore, depends on the future you’re committed to. If you’re bored, then the future you’re committed to is boring. If you’re committed to an inspiring future, then you would be inspired in the moment. It’s really not about the destination, it’s about the journey, it’s about what you’re committed to.

If you’re committed, and despondent because you’re not achieving it as fast or as much as you would like to, check and see against which standard you’re measuring yourself: is it the standard of others – what others have achieved, what others expect of you, or what you think they expect of you? Consider that it’s your commitment to the goal that makes you what you are, not the attainment of it, and certainly not the showing off of having gotten there.

Trying to hold onto things as they are and have a different experience of life at the same time is like trying to sit when you stand. It’s like the child who, hands already full, reaches for another toy, then realises she would have to give something up. Let’s say the thing she chooses to give up is at the bottom of the pile she already holds; she would have to let go of everything, regather what she wants to keep, and add the new thing.

When life is no longer fulfilling, it’s impossible to hold on to all that you have and squeeze fulfilment out of it. You have to let go of something, maybe everything, see how things fall, and regather what you can – what you still want to. Chaos is a necessary precursor to a higher level of order. It’s the dip you have to go through to get the rewards that you seek.

Getting through that dip requires courage, commitment, a definite goal, the belief that taking these particular actions will get you to that goal, and the willingness to handle and endure the chaos that ensues.

People who promise success and fulfilment seldom tell you this. I like to ask my clients before they jump: Are you ready for the consequences? Are prepared to take responsibility?

Life is perfect, and suffering is a perfect teacher. If something repeatedly doesn’t work in your life, you can be sure there’s a lesson to be had there. There are natural laws and you’re simply not obeying them. To bring yourself in alignment with those laws is a delicate, tricky business. You try this, try that, until you find what works.

If you make it life’s fault, then when life comes right for you, you call it luck and you miss the deeper lesson. When you make yourself responsible, then you have the a-ha! moment – and you’re less likely to repeat the mistake.

If you’re in the intensity of something not working in your life, stick it out. Stand in that intensity, take responsibility for being the cause of everything that happens in your life, and wait for the lesson to become clear. I know this because I’ve tested it.

Something else I’ve tested: Suffering is resistance to feeling pain. When you can be with pain you can see the perfection in all of life; the student in you shows up; you’re available for the lesson, and things start to flow again.